


A Single Step

by Accal1a



Category: King Falls AM (Podcast)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 11:45:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14354787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Accal1a/pseuds/Accal1a
Summary: Sammy decides that he can't be without Jack a second longer and so takes a trip up to Perdition Woods.





	A Single Step

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> I blame the Sammy playlist and Catastrokey.

Sammy didn't make the decision consciously. In fact when he finally thought about it properly, he was surprised to find that it didn't shock him. It must have been percolating in the back of his mind for a while because it was the easiest thing in the world to plan for it.

In the end, it turned out he didn't really have a plan. It turned out he didn't really need one.

Tuesday dawned, grey and miserable, which seemed fitting. He didn't need good weather. He didn't need anything anymore.

He knew that Jack wouldn't approve of what he was doing, but he'd meant what he said to Ben. His heart was in the void with Jack, which meant that he had been living without a heart for nearly three years and he was weary with the pain of it. He couldn't do this anymore, not without his love.

Sammy took his walking boots out of the cupboard. They were worn with use and he couldn't stop the memories assaulting him. He remembered all of the times he had gone hiking with Jack. California was full of sun and trails and kisses against shady trees. Oregon was full of mud and rain and an aching in his soul for what might have been. He shook his head, trying to dislodge the memories, but they wouldn't budge.

When he got to the front door, he picked up his car and house keys, then stared at them in his hand. He put the house keys back in the bowl by the front door. He didn't need them anymore. Walking out of the door, he heard the door catch and lock and he didn't look back. There was nothing for him in that lonely apartment anyway.

Walking down the stairs, he heard his footsteps echo around him, each step moving him closer to Jack, closer to being whole again. He had to stop himself checking his mail, something he always did on the way out of the door. It wasn't like he was going to be able to pay the bills he'd inevitably find in there.

Sammy got to his car in a haze, and didn't even remember the drive to Perdition Woods. He wondered if he'd been a careful driver. He hoped he had been, he didn't want to put anyone else in danger. This was part of the reason he was doing this after all. He wanted to be with Jack, of course he did, but he also didn't want anyone else to get hurt. He couldn't bear it if Ben got hurt, or Emily, or Troy. No, this was something he had to do on his own. He was taking it out of their hands, out of the new notebook's hands.

The trek up into the hills was hard work, and Sammy was sweating by the time he got near to where the hiker had disappeared. The man had been right, there was no sound of wildlife. The eerie stillness only served to remind him of what he was about to do, and he suddenly had the desire to tell someone. He had thought he could do this on his own, just disappear, but that wasn't fair. He couldn't do that to Ben, to Lily. He couldn't just disappear without them knowing. They would always wonder if he did that. He'd been through that, the not knowing, and he couldn't do that to them. No, they had to know what he was about to do.

The decision was made, but picking up the phone was still one of the hardest things he had ever done. He found that he was close to choking up even before he started. He hadn't thought that it would be this hard. He'd assumed he's just get up here, walk through the void and be lost. He would be lost with Jack, and that would be enough. Now he was standing there, face to face with death, he found he was also a little scared.

The phone rang for long enough that Sammy started to wonder whether he should just hang up. He wasn't sure this was really something he could leave on a voicemail, but he would if he had to. It was better than nothing.

“Sammy?” Ben's tired voice answered.

Sammy kicked himself, because of course Ben was tired. It was mid-morning and he had probably been fast asleep. Sammy hadn't been able to sleep at all, but that was because he had been mulling over the decision that he'd already made. He hadn't slept because he had been planning. Maybe this had been a terrible idea.

“Is everything okay?” Ben continued.

Sammy knew he had to say something, knew he couldn't just leave a silence on the phone but he suddenly wasn't sure what he was going to say.

“Ben.” Sammy finally said, quietly and with a lump in his throat.

Immediately, Ben was alert. He'd heard that tone of voice in his best friend's voice before. It was the tone of voice he'd employed when he'd spoken to him after that disastrous call with Frickard. This was Sammy broken and beaten down, and he instantly wanted to help him in whichever way he could.

“Sammy, what's wrong?” Ben asked, sitting up in bed, suddenly completely awake.

“Ben, I...” Sammy's voice sounded strange, even to his own ears.

Ben swung his legs onto the floor, reaching for a hoodie that he'd discarded on the floor earlier and pulling it over his head.

“Dude, tell me. You sound...” _Tired. Sad._

“Yeah. Look, Ben. I just wanted to call to talk to you. I didn't want you to worry about me.”

“Well, Sammy now I'm worried about you.” Ben replied struggling into a pair of jeans and attempting to inject a bit of humour into something that was clearly a humourless situation.

“You don't have to be.”

“Tell me what's wrong, please?” Ben was moving through his apartment, finding his keys. “Where are you?” 

Ben could hear nature sounds and he was surprised. Normally Sammy was dead to the world for hours after their broadcast, only an earthquake or several swats of Ben's arm on his shoulder followed by at least two cups of coffee were the only thing that would cause him to be up at...it was 11am. Okay, clearly something was wrong with his best friend. This was completely unheard of.

“I'm...” Sammy swallowed. He was going to have to tell Ben where he was and Ben would try and talk him out of what he had made up his mind to do. He didn't want to carry on, but he knew he had to. “I'm in Perdition Woods.” Sammy finished quietly.

Ben actually felt like his brain short-circuited for a second.

“What?” Ben replied, an incredulous tone to his voice.

“I'm in...”

“No, I heard you Sammy. I just...what are you doing up there?” 

_Please don't be why I think you're up there. Please don't be why I think you're up there. Please don't be why I think you're up there._

“I'm...God, why is this so hard to say? I'm up here because I'm going to see if I can...”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. You're not doing this. You're not doing this alone. You're not doing this at all. We were supposed to do this together. We were supposed to bring him back _together_. You don't have to do this alone. Please. Sammy wait for us to finish our research. We can do this, we can bring him back. Please don't go off half-cocked. This is...look you're not thinking right now. We can do this. I promise we can, just come back to town.”

“I _can't_ , Ben. I have to do this. I have to do this. I have to do this _now_. I can't...”

“Sammy, you can. We can work this out, you don't have to go alone... _please_.” Ben pleaded, fighting with his car keys, thrusting them into the ignition and turning the car over. He tore out of his drive way and headed for the main road up into the mountains, without looking at the intersection. Red lights meant nothing right now.

“I was just calling to say goodbye, Ben. I didn't want you,” Sammy's voice cracked, “I didn't want you to always wonder where I was, I needed you to know. I didn't want you hurting.”

“I'm hurting, _right now_. Sammy please, don't do this. We can get him back, I know we can. You don't have to do this.”

Sammy's feet has been taking him almost on autopilot up to the Devil's Doorstep and when he arrived he was unsurprised to find a great maw of a cave mouth, slightly _too_ black to be normal darkness. He could hear whispers all around him, some he could make out as voices, others just a soft susurration around him. The sounds seemed to be calling him, telling him to come closer and he wanted to say 'you don't need to convince me, I'll be with you soon' but he was aware he still had Ben in his ear.

“Sammy? Sammy, are you still there?”

“I'm here.” Sammy said, and he meant he was here both on the phone and here at his destination. He wondered whether everything in the last three years had led him to this point. He wondered why he hadn't done this sooner. Except he knew the answer to that. He hadn't done this sooner because he was a coward; but when Lily Wright had given up, he'd known there was only one thing left to do. He couldn't get Jack back, but that didn't mean he had to let him be alone. He'd been alone in the dark for far too long.

“I'm sorry, Ben but I've got to do this. I can't...I tried, I really tried. I tried to look for him, I tried to hope he would come back to me, I tried to believe in your ability to get him back. I _tried_. I promise I did. I just can't do this anymore. I'm tired and I'm sad and I'm alone. I don't want him to be alone anymore. I just want to be near him again. You must be able to understand that?”

“I do. Sammy, I do understand that; but we can do this. We can get him back in your arms without you going into the void. Sammy, you don't have to do this. Please don't do this. Stay with us, stay with me, we can get Jack back. We can do this. Please.” Ben finished. “ _Please_.”

“I'm sorry.” Sammy said, and then stepped towards the darkness. He was sorry, but he was going to do this anyway, because he needed to be with Jack, Jack needed to be with him. It was always them against the world, and he'd failed him over the last three years. He wasn't going to do that again. Jack was a single step away from him. He had to take it.

“ _Sammy_? Sammy...listen to me...SAMMY!” Ben shouted into his phone, driving up the hill at too fast a speed, knowing he wouldn't get there in time but hoping he would nonetheless.

The tinny voice of Ben screaming echoed out of the smart phone lying on the grass at the entrance to the cave.

No-one replied.


End file.
